thatsmyjonson | Cry and cry and cry over the love of you

Dane had lost track of how long had passed since he'd lost the important people in his life. First it had been Lucian to Osiris' hand. And five years after that, the old man had died to Dane's own hand. And eight years after that, Crawford had died. The first had been unexpected and left a hole inside him that nothing could ever completely fill. However, getting his revenge had served to partially patch it. But losing his best friend left him hurting in a different way altogether. So he threw himself into his vices. Nothing could kill him, but that didn't stop him from trying to let it happen.

He was finally starting to live again. Or at least pretending to. He wasn't quite as pickled as he had been, and he was venturing out more and more. He found himself in the embrace of a wild party, celebrating the arrival of a new year. It was a reminder of the fact that it had been over twenty years since he'd lost Lucian. It soured the night once the realization hit, but he swallowed it well, hiding it as he downed another drink.

As midnight approached, the tension in the room grew. He made his way through the revelers, and if by some miracle, they parted before him and at the other end of the gap was a man he'd never thought he'd see again. He leaned on the bar, a woman talking to him. It couldn't be. Lucian? It must be a trick of the light. It had to be.

"TEN!" The crowd shouted around him.

Seized by an impulse, he started pushing through the crowd. "NINE!" they shouted. It felt like a countdown for him. If he didn't reach the other side of the room before they reached zero, this illusion would vanish forever. He dodged and ducked through the crowd as they counted down.

"FOUR!" A couple arm and arm in front of him was his last obstacle, but they were oblivious to the distress behind them. "THREE!" Muttering an apology, he shoved through them, ignoring their protests.

"TWO!" He could see the woman, leaning closer to Lucian now. At this close, he could see. It wasn't just a similar face. Everything about him was exactly the same. He didn't have time for doubts.

"ONE!" His fingers wrapped around lapels of the man's jacket, dragging him closer. Their lips crashed together as the party around them exploded. And they could have been whispering for as much as Dane heard them. Fingers ran up into familiar curls as he pulled Lucian closer. He tasted the salt in the kiss before he was even aware his cheeks or eyes were damp.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Not a minute before, he'd been ready to jump off the bridge. But as he was lifted and spun around he let out the most joyus laugh of his entire life. Or at least, that's how it felt. It felt as though it were the first laugh he'd ever experienced, as it seemed this past lifetime, this twenty three years since that awful night, had not drawn a single laugh from his lips. And now he thought he might cry all over again for entirely different reasons than before.

All sadness and dreariness vanished from his face, replaced by a bright and beaming smile as Lucian's forehead pressed to his. He moved both his hands through the man's hair, hands unsteady but needing to touch him.

"Because you're soul knows," he blurted out, not thinking. He didn't care how ridiculous it sounded anymore. He no longer doubted the truth of it. "You were born the day after I lost you. Every last thing about you is the same. You are the one I lost, born anew."

"I assure you, my soul has no idea what it's doing, either. "

This was absurd. This was nuts! He should be placing Dane in a sanitarium, right then and there. Gently shilling him to a place for the criminally insane. And yet?

This was certainly the night on the town Lucian had scrimped and saved for. Not the one he was expecting, but the one he feels he needed. To feel loved, to feel alive. Even if it was from the handsome man who looked a cross between a beggar and a drowned rat.

...no. This man was incredibly handsome. Attractive. Lucian can't out a finger on it. He can, however, slide his hand down the other's arm to catch his hand.

"Come. Drink. You know about me, evidentially, but I know nothing of you, and I'd rather not see either of us sick." He's also fairly certain Mary will worry if she doesn't have her hand up someone's skirts.

"But I don't," Dane admitted as they started back toward the party. At least, he assumed that's where they were headed. He wasn't watching where they were going. His gaze was riveted to Lucian's face. This was real. This was actually happening. Did he dare allow himself to be happy? To hope that he had another chance?

"I know who you were before, in a life you don't remember. But I know little of you now beyond your name."

New things to discover. A new life to get to know. One without an awful tyrant like Spider, he hoped. And he hardly looked like someone who would work the docks. But Lucian hadn't looked like that the first time Dane met him, either. Nor did he look poor this time. But again, he hadn't looked poor at the start, either. Whether he was or wasn't, Dane wanted to do better for him this time around. Even if it meant not being a part of his life like before. Just making Lucian's life better. Longer. Fuller. He wouldn't let it end so abruptly this time.

"You're crazy," He states. It might sound blunt, but Lucian's not trying to be invasive. It's certainly the start to a new year. He's had his first kisses with men today. Public ones, at least, and with the same person.

He wonders, in the back of his head, if the pastor of Cedar Grove would have a heart attack if he confessed in church on Sunday. Maybe he would, just to see what the other would do.

They make their way to the bar, and Lucian has a thought. It strikes him, quick as lightning. So much so he actually manages a gasp, and when he looks at Dane it's with a wicked gleam in his eye, conspiratory.

"You live here, don't you?"

As they walked, Dane could hardly keep his gaze off of Lucian's face. He tripped more than once, and almost walked right into a carriage. But he didn't seem to care. The shock was starting to wear off. Just enough that he could actually allow himself to accept that maybe, just maybe, this was his Lucian returned to him. He'd long since resigned himself to a life without the man, and yet here he was. In every perfect detail. And not calling for the police after what Dane had done. Did he dare hope there could be something?

He was so taken in by the simple facts of the situation that he missed that look in Lucian's eye. He just heard the question. "Yeah," he said, "Not far from here, actually." It would be better than the first time Lucian had gone there. A day he still thought of frequently.

"Then you know the lay of the land," Lucian extrapolated. "Listen--this may sound absolutely insane," Though no more insane than this entire situation was, he supposes, and stops just shy of the door to the tavern. "Please bear with me."

He takes a breath, full of uncertainly. This is nuts. He should just head back in. Or maybe he should just grab the other and whisk him away. Regardless, Lucian feels a strange blush creep up over his skin, reaching his ears. Trying to sound far more confident than he was.

"You know certain places. Ones... not necessarily viewed on as established or esteemed."

Dane was completely unaware of just how high he'd allowed his hopes to get. That is, until he felt them start to lose altitude. Two completely different scenarios played out in his head. Both equally devastating. The first was that Lucian wanted to find a place of ill repute to find someone better. More suited to his tastes. Not the scrawny thing in an ill fitting suit. The other was that he returned to the Red Rat, found a job, and Dane would be forced to repeat what he'd tried to do over 20 years before.

He tried to not let it show. He tried to keep his face just the same. But his smile became strained and uneasy. It was hard to hold back the questions he really wanted to ask. "There's a few," he admitted reluctantly. "But they're not that great."

"Take me!" Lucian's voice is loud and bright and it actually scares himself for a few moments. It doesn't matter, though--his hand grabs onto Dane's arms, squeezing his upper shoulder. He's far too excited than he should be.

"I've always wanted to go--I've been so curious, so--and and with you there, by my side, since you're so experienced..."

Lucian seems to have his mind made up, still holding Dane tightly.

"With you, I could--we could--do anything! And that includes seeing that there are other people like me, like--like us, and Mary, that we're not alone!"

Dane moved his hands up, fingers curling around the back of the other's head, pushing into lush curls. He wanted to tell the other that he didn't need to go there, that there were better places for him to be, that he deserved so much better. Everything he'd ever said to the man who split his time between the club and the docks. Everything he'd wished he'd been able to say before Lucian had become too damaged to pull himself away. He had a chance to stop it before it could happen again.

But his tongue froze. Lucian was so…happy. Excited. In ways Dane had never seen him before. In ways that had been impossible. A bright, innocent, naive happiness. It made his heart ache just to see it, like the burning light of an angel. Unbearable and so very perfect.

"Alright," he said, his voice strained. "Do you need to get anything inside?" Because he could never deny Lucian anything. No matter how much he wanted to change the course laid out before them.

Cry and cry and cry over the love of you

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject